I am a child not yet an adult

Have it ever cross your mind that you are still young and innocent? I dont know, when one is clouded with hatred and prejudice, Their judgement turn blur... I was in this position before this truth struck me, I always apologize first but do the other party think the same. Maybe they are adult and to solve one problem, the adult will be different in handling matters. Well, all of us that is just pass 18. Are we really matured? No, some maybe but most arent in the oriental where i grew up. We were so pampered by our parents till we feel its hard to be independent, we feel so unsafe... I too face these feeling, i tried to go as strong as i can be but in the end i still cant reach it. I dont know how to read the others, maybe i do sometimes. After i apologize to two of my friend, i felt like to apologize to the third. But i cant seem to pass my own gate. I am a child but also an adult, sometimes i can be rational but sometimes i just cant... Everyone make mistake, I do all the time. But will the others apologize for their mistake? I dont know, I really dont know... There is too much problem accumulate and i ends up confuse and in despair. I will take my sorrow and hand it to Jesus as he will listen to me. Sorry for not growing up the right way, mum. I should have been more rational. If i really fell down in the track i dont know whether can i climb back up. If i ever fall and never stood up... What will my tomorrow be?

Thoughts

After so many months of thoughts flowing in my head, i finally found out that what i see from before is nothing but an illusion. I realise this morning that i have been hurting one of my friend that i,myself didn't realise it. Its a bit late for apologize, but i still want to apologize. I think that maybe if i were to wake up earlier, tragedy will not fall unto me. Its hard to admit that i screw up. Thoughts all overflowing around me and telling me that i was wrong. Everyone make mistake, no matter how big or small in everyday life. I too realise that i was selfish, i look only from my point of view. I didn't think that my excuses is my main problem, i just dont wanna admit defeat infront of another guy. A guy who thinks highly of himself, i was mistaken. I and my mouth seems to had a rough time. To control this sinfull tongue is hard. Changes will be make afterall. I realise the only one i did not take notice of is the one i hurt the most. Sorry my friend, maybe if we did not live together, we will not see each others weakness. He has virtue, he dont pick side, he is calm and he never tell me the problem. My overly grown ego has lead me to nothing but despair, maybe i am not suitable to live in group. I am a lone wolf as i discover today, guys dont lick each others wound. We are bound to go on our own way. I have discover my weakness after all this year, but i didn't have the guts to admit it. I throw away dignity and pride now, as i am a sinfull man. I will change, maybe not today but tomorrow. The one thing i know is i will start to change my attitude from this minute onwards, i will become mature as i was still cling onto my family, never bound to be independent. I may have grow abit but i lost sight of it and i fall. We are on a road that fills with thorns and danger, we face one problem coming after another. I am a coward, i hid by the side. Forgive me Jesus, I do believe in your greatness and power. I have stray away from the path you lead me to, lost sight of what is important and misjudge the others. Again my hearts is beating so hard, filled with guilt. Thoughts comes and go, they are a glimps of light that made me realise what a fool i have been. I made a joke to the world only t find that i was the joke.