I am totally lost with your thought

I dont know what did i just do to piss you off... its just impossible, you get mad easily recently... I are so angry with everything happening... You tell me you are okay, and yet you scold me... What did i just do recently? I thought you had forgiven my last mistake. i am trying to redeem myself now and you just have to do something to ruin me? If you really still hate me, just say it out! I am very lost and angry with the way you treat me. I know i am not a very good friend, but if you befriended with me is just to use me as a tool then tell me now. I can just destroy this wall or string that bind us as friends, i dont want a fake smile from you anymore

My final Thought

It was supposed to be a very happy trip to Genting yesterday, but i just have to screw up everything. Ruin people's mood and trust and now i feel so sorrow and fucked up. I want to talk and solve my problem, but you just won't give me a chance, you don't want to give me a second chance. I am so unworthy to you. I become a burden you would like to throw away. I feel so eat up by lonliness and despair right now. I would have become a better person... But jealously just consume me all over...in and out... I was blinded by my own feeling that i hurt you so much. You must hate me alot... So i think this is my final act, the story of Eugene will eventually end, i want it to end the way where he can no longer hurt anyone...

SONY EXPO 2010

Yesterday, 3rd of April 2010. Midvalley. I went to the Sony expo 2010, and i was stun and amazed with the fair and event going on.... I was soooo regret because i forgotten to take my D90 with me to take some picture... I ended up taking some photo with my 5800... But it was a great experience with the 3D game and everything.... I like the cosplayer that made quite a good quality equipment like FF7 Cloud Strife's Sword.... Obiwan in Star Wars and even a Ninja Demon... They had quite an eye catching and cool outfit...

I am a child not yet an adult

Have it ever cross your mind that you are still young and innocent? I dont know, when one is clouded with hatred and prejudice, Their judgement turn blur... I was in this position before this truth struck me, I always apologize first but do the other party think the same. Maybe they are adult and to solve one problem, the adult will be different in handling matters. Well, all of us that is just pass 18. Are we really matured? No, some maybe but most arent in the oriental where i grew up. We were so pampered by our parents till we feel its hard to be independent, we feel so unsafe... I too face these feeling, i tried to go as strong as i can be but in the end i still cant reach it. I dont know how to read the others, maybe i do sometimes. After i apologize to two of my friend, i felt like to apologize to the third. But i cant seem to pass my own gate. I am a child but also an adult, sometimes i can be rational but sometimes i just cant... Everyone make mistake, I do all the time. But will the others apologize for their mistake? I dont know, I really dont know... There is too much problem accumulate and i ends up confuse and in despair. I will take my sorrow and hand it to Jesus as he will listen to me. Sorry for not growing up the right way, mum. I should have been more rational. If i really fell down in the track i dont know whether can i climb back up. If i ever fall and never stood up... What will my tomorrow be?

Thoughts

After so many months of thoughts flowing in my head, i finally found out that what i see from before is nothing but an illusion. I realise this morning that i have been hurting one of my friend that i,myself didn't realise it. Its a bit late for apologize, but i still want to apologize. I think that maybe if i were to wake up earlier, tragedy will not fall unto me. Its hard to admit that i screw up. Thoughts all overflowing around me and telling me that i was wrong. Everyone make mistake, no matter how big or small in everyday life. I too realise that i was selfish, i look only from my point of view. I didn't think that my excuses is my main problem, i just dont wanna admit defeat infront of another guy. A guy who thinks highly of himself, i was mistaken. I and my mouth seems to had a rough time. To control this sinfull tongue is hard. Changes will be make afterall. I realise the only one i did not take notice of is the one i hurt the most. Sorry my friend, maybe if we did not live together, we will not see each others weakness. He has virtue, he dont pick side, he is calm and he never tell me the problem. My overly grown ego has lead me to nothing but despair, maybe i am not suitable to live in group. I am a lone wolf as i discover today, guys dont lick each others wound. We are bound to go on our own way. I have discover my weakness after all this year, but i didn't have the guts to admit it. I throw away dignity and pride now, as i am a sinfull man. I will change, maybe not today but tomorrow. The one thing i know is i will start to change my attitude from this minute onwards, i will become mature as i was still cling onto my family, never bound to be independent. I may have grow abit but i lost sight of it and i fall. We are on a road that fills with thorns and danger, we face one problem coming after another. I am a coward, i hid by the side. Forgive me Jesus, I do believe in your greatness and power. I have stray away from the path you lead me to, lost sight of what is important and misjudge the others. Again my hearts is beating so hard, filled with guilt. Thoughts comes and go, they are a glimps of light that made me realise what a fool i have been. I made a joke to the world only t find that i was the joke.